Terrible Joke Thursday

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Flathead Fred
Been here a while
Posts: 433
Joined: October 26th, 2012, 9:17 pm

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by Flathead Fred » December 17th, 2015, 10:01 pm

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching aclip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese manstarts to yell louder,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

'You sign! You sign!'

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the littleChinese man back, shouting:

'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hehears a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

'You sign! You sign!'

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:

'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrongname! Who do you want to give these to?'

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:


(It's a beauty)



(Wait for it)






(Get your best Chinese accent ready)












'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

Shann Low
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Posts: 765
Joined: April 2nd, 2014, 3:14 am

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by Shann Low » December 18th, 2015, 1:59 am

85 year old widowed guy at the retirement home who's a little hard of hearing ... decides to marry his 83 year old retirement home 'sweetheart' before he dies!
So after the ceremony - they go back to their now double room at the retirement home, in order to consummate the marriage & make it all official!. As they are undressing and getting into bed the old guy says - "I think its only fair to warn you - I have really crook hearing"! The ol gal replies "Yeah well, I think It's only fair to warn you, I have Acute Angina!". Old guy replies, "well thank goodness for that - coz your tits are like razor strops!". :lol:

nilla60
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Posts: 6348
Joined: May 13th, 2007, 12:09 am

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by nilla60 » January 7th, 2016, 8:52 pm

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts,

'Dinnae drink eh watter! It's foo ae coo's shy**e n pish!'

The man replies,

'My Good fellow, I'm from England .. Could you repeat that in English for me?'

The keeper replies,

"I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!"

MudChaser
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Posts: 722
Joined: December 25th, 2007, 11:26 pm
Location: Somewhere up the side of a mountain

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by MudChaser » April 20th, 2016, 3:18 pm

The Will.jpg
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"What we are never changes But WHO WE ARE NEVER STOPS CHANGING!"
Doug Stanton

V Williamson
Part of the furniture
Posts: 1389
Joined: February 6th, 2008, 9:16 am

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by V Williamson » April 20th, 2016, 7:56 pm

ppe.png
PPE for Scotsmen.
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MudChaser
Avid Poster
Posts: 722
Joined: December 25th, 2007, 11:26 pm
Location: Somewhere up the side of a mountain

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by MudChaser » April 21st, 2016, 3:12 pm

Don't eat, Fatty.jpg
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"What we are never changes But WHO WE ARE NEVER STOPS CHANGING!"
Doug Stanton

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