Terrible Joke Thursday

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V Williamson
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Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by V Williamson » September 26th, 2013, 2:26 pm

so anyway, this superconductor walks into a bar and sits down and orders a beer. Barman says "we don't serve your type and you shouldn't be in here" and gets the bouncers to throw him out. The superconductor left without resistance. :crazy:

chris_stoffa
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Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by chris_stoffa » September 26th, 2013, 2:39 pm

We really do need to start a "Bad Joke Day" thread and nominate a day, like " Bad Joke Thursday "

That way it will lessen the trauma, it will stop these random assaults on our senses and we will know it's coming :lol:

It will be a positive thing ;)
03 Bravo 2.5TD DCab

BigDutchy
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Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by BigDutchy » September 26th, 2013, 3:26 pm

Yep, a bad (dad) joke day sounds good......but only days that end in.......

A bit like this.....

Son: Please may I leave the table?
Me: And where are you going to leave it?

or


Customer: "Why do these cashews keep saying nice things about my hair?"

Barman: “They’re the complimentary nuts.”

rolly82
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Location: Australind, WA

Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by rolly82 » September 26th, 2013, 4:15 pm

chris_stoffa wrote:We really do need to start a "Bad Joke Day" thread and nominate a day, like " Bad Joke Thursday "

That way it will lessen the trauma, it will stop these random assaults on our senses and we will know it's coming :lol:

It will be a positive thing ;)
Done. The Terrible Joke Thursday is now up and running,jokes can only be submitted on Thursday.

Brad,

chris_stoffa
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by chris_stoffa » September 26th, 2013, 4:20 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ( I'm only allowed 5 )
03 Bravo 2.5TD DCab

IAN013
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by IAN013 » September 26th, 2013, 5:01 pm

Two really old blokes in a pub talking about life after death.
They decided that the first to die would come back as a ghost and tell the other what it's like.
Jimmy dies first and true to his word he's back the next day to talk to Mick.
"What's it like Jimmy? Is there a heaven?"
"Mate, you won't believe it. I have sex ten times a day and spend the rest on the golf course."
"So it is heaven" says Mick.
"Nah" says Jimmy. " I'm a rabbit somewhere near Mildura." :rolleyes:

chris_stoffa
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by chris_stoffa » September 26th, 2013, 5:08 pm

Sally Mullihan of West Suburbia decided to take one of the jobs that most Australians are not willing to do.

The woman applying for a job at a Shepparton lemon farm just seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
She had a fine arts degree from the University of Melbourne and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I certainly have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Fords and voted for Rudd." ;)
03 Bravo 2.5TD DCab

chris_stoffa
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by chris_stoffa » September 26th, 2013, 5:11 pm

Teacher: What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?

Little Johnny: “Get in the F****** boat, men!”
03 Bravo 2.5TD DCab

nilla60
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by nilla60 » September 26th, 2013, 8:04 pm

Little Johnny was late for school and had to explain his tardiness to the teacher,

"I had to to help put the bull in with the cows!"

"Couldn't your father have done the job?"

"No sir, it's got to be a bull"

Ezookiel
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by Ezookiel » September 26th, 2013, 10:09 pm

The bar was pretty quiet when a giant slab of asphalt walked in.

The slab of asphalt said to the barman "I am THE number 1 highway in all the country." "No other highway is as long as I am." "No other highway carries so many cars an hour." "No other highway has so much produce transported on it." "I am THE number ONE highway in all the country!"
The barman says, "Hey, I don't want any trouble round here, I tell you what, the first beer is on the house"


As he's drinking the beer, in walks a smaller slab of asphalt.
The number one highway turns to the barman and says, "Watch this" then goes up to the smaller piece of asphalt and says, "I am THE number 1 highway in all the country." "No other highway is as long as I am." "No other highway carries so many cars an hour." "No other highway has so much produce transported on it." "I am THE number ONE highway in all the country!"
The smaller piece of asphalt says, "Hey, I'm just a normal highway, I don't want any trouble, here, let me buy you a beer"

As they are drinking their beers, in walks a small piece of asphalt. The Number 1 Interstate Highways says, "Hey watch this" and walk up to the small piece of asphalt and says, "I am THE number 1 highway in all the country." "No other highway is as long as I am." "No other highway carries so many cars an hour." "No other highway has so much produce transported on it." "I am THE number ONE highway in all the country!"
The small piece of asphalt says, "Hey, I'm just a road, I don't want any trouble, here, let me buy you a beer"

All three are sitting there having a beer when in walks, the tiniest piece of asphalt you ever did see. This thing is tiny, it can't be even two metres across.
The Number 1 Interstate Highway looks up, sees this tiny piece of asphalt, and jumps behind the bar, and cowers behind the barman.
Everyone looks at him and says, "What the hell, I thought you were "THE number 1 highway in all the country, with no other highway as long, No other highway carrying so many cars an hour, No other highway used to transport so much produce etc" What the hell are you doing hiding from this little piece of asphalt?

The number 1 Interstate says, "Yes, yes, I am, but you don't realise, no-one messes with that guy, that guy's a cyclepath!" (psychopath)
Last edited by Ezookiel on September 27th, 2013, 3:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

steve.j
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by steve.j » September 26th, 2013, 10:20 pm

Two blokes walk into a bar.......... you'd think one of them would've seen it...

Ezookiel
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by Ezookiel » September 26th, 2013, 10:24 pm

A guy gets a job working for the Sesame Street Bus Company.
On his first day on the job, they give him the school run.

As he approaches the first stop, he sees there's a mother waiting with her two daughters. The first thing he notices is the size of the girls, they are seriously overweight.
As he pulls up, the Mum jumps on and says, "I'd heard there was a new driver today, so I thought I'd meet you and introduce my two daughters, this is Patty-Sue, and Patty-Anne. They tend to get teased a bit because of their weight, so I'd like you to give them seats up the front and keep an eye on them"
The driver promises he will do so, and drives on to his next stop.

As he pulls up, again there's a mother waiting, but this time with her son, who looks to be the ultimate Nerd. Pants up to his nipples, ten types of pen in his pocket, thick glasses held together with masking tape, the whole lot.
As he stops, the Mum jumps on and says, "I'd heard there was a new driver today, so I thought I'd wait and meet you, and introduce my son. This is 'Sossipater' - he's a very 'special' boy, he's specially gifted and specially intelligent. He's so special that the other kids tend to pick on him, could you keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't get picked on?"
He promises the mother that he'll keep an eye on her son, and make sure he's ok, and he drives on to his final stop.

As he pulls up, again there's a mother waiting, and she slowly helps her son climb the steps into the bus, and the boy seems to be having a lot of trouble walking. The Mum says, "Hi, I'm Mrs Cleese, this is my son Lester. As you can see, he has a lot of trouble walking, and I'd like you to help him up the steps each morning as he gets on the bus, and again as he gets off"
The driver agrees to do so, and drives on to the school. As he's driving he looks back in the mirror and sees Lester Cleese has taken his shoes off, and is picking at the worst Bunions, he's ever seen. He starts thinking to himself, no wonder the poor kid can hardly walk.

He drops them all at school, and drives back to the bus depot, where he promptly goes up to his boss, and tells him that he's resigning.
The boss is amazed, and asks, "Why?" "You've only done one run" "How can it be that bad?"
The driver replies, "What would I have to look forward to each day except....
two obese patties, special Sos, Lester Cleese, picking bunions, on a Sesame Street Bus?"

chris_stoffa
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by chris_stoffa » September 26th, 2013, 10:43 pm

^^^^
Yep :rolleyes: Now that's exactly why we started this thread :lol: :lol:
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Navnut
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by Navnut » September 26th, 2013, 11:28 pm

What do a Clitorus , an Anniversary & a Toilet have in common - :redface:


Men normally miss them all :lol:
Love the bush, Love my 4bee, Love my family.Life couldn't be better.

Flathead Fred
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Re: Terrible Joke Thursday

Unread post by Flathead Fred » September 26th, 2013, 11:31 pm

The old mate was sittin on a bench in the park. He notices a little bloke sitting in the gutter with a cat.

He has a bag of smarties and he pops some into his mouth, drags the cat up and bites it on the tail, then moves a few feet down the gutter.

He repeats this a couple of times and it gets the better of the old mate and he goes over and asks the kid what is he doing.

"Playin Truckers" he replies.

"How you work that out?" he asks

"Easy" says the kid...
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"I'm Poppin pills..eatin ******* an movin on down the road"

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