Just For Laughs

For the stuff that's NOT 4WD related, here's where you can come on in and discuss it, but do play nice!
thedjs
Part of the furniture
Posts: 1137
Joined: February 16th, 2010, 4:13 pm
Location: Rockhampton

Unread post by thedjs » April 12th, 2010, 10:46 pm

I would have never thought of that answer. Out of the mouth of blonds (or something like that)
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the tent gone.

My Shed: http://bit.ly/bYa2Nz

blutoy
Avid Poster
Posts: 592
Joined: May 19th, 2009, 10:51 am
Location: rowville

Unread post by blutoy » April 14th, 2010, 12:01 pm

I passed the cemetery yesterday, on my way to work, andI noticed 4 pall-bearers walking around with a coffin.I passed by again, some hours later, and they were still walkingAround with it.I thought to myself :

'These buggers have lost the plot'
(disclaimer.) all of the above text it true and concise, this might be the final time that you will see me being sincere,
no other correspondence shall be written in to this, winner notified by mail/phone, for more information read
our PDS at http://w

outback cruisa
Need to get out more
Posts: 2018
Joined: October 18th, 2006, 1:02 pm
Location: Brisbane, QLD

Unread post by outback cruisa » April 15th, 2010, 9:42 pm

some good ones in here guys

An Australian Love Poem.
Who said Australians weren't romantic?


Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there

I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footballs'on
And fetch another beer.

keep them coming
Image
Pathy Buildup: Project Pathy

4WDAction Issue 185 Full Feature

kitch76
Part of the furniture
Posts: 1426
Joined: April 4th, 2004, 5:18 pm

Unread post by kitch76 » April 15th, 2010, 10:13 pm

A blond is standing at the base of a flag pole scratching her head, as a bloke walked pased. He stops and asks if he can help and she responds she is trying to measure the flag pole but cant reach the top with the tape so he sugests she lies the pole down on the ground and she says that wont work I'm trying to see how high it is not how long.
I owe I owe so its off to work I go........

Captain Cupcake
Avid Poster
Posts: 643
Joined: November 4th, 2007, 12:05 pm
Location: Narangba, QLD

Unread post by Captain Cupcake » April 18th, 2010, 4:23 pm

A woman is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.She swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive lady as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to her dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is
DEAD.The driver feels so awful that she begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the woman crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the woman what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," ! she explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says," Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny , bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The woman is astonished.

She runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"The blonde turns the can around so that the woman can read the label.

It says..
(Are you ready for this?)(Are you sure?)(You know you're gonna be sorry)(Last chance)(OK, here it is)It says,"Hair SprayRestores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."
[align=center][align=left][url]http://www.fluoridealert.org/[/url]
[url]http://www.themotleycrew.info/[/url] [url]http://www.nblc.com.au/[/url][/align]
[/align]

Calyx_D21
Been here a while
Posts: 354
Joined: July 28th, 2009, 6:04 pm
Location: tassy

Unread post by Calyx_D21 » April 18th, 2010, 4:31 pm

Hahahaha!, that easter bunny one is awsome!!:p

viperspeed
Been here a while
Posts: 145
Joined: December 24th, 2006, 10:36 pm
Location: NSW

Unread post by viperspeed » April 18th, 2010, 6:07 pm

The Pastor's Donkey

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered
in another race and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor
to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news,
Posted the following headline:
NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey,
so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas! The Bishop was buried the next day.



MORAL OF THE STORY???
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.

So, be yourself and enjoy life !!!

Captain Cupcake
Avid Poster
Posts: 643
Joined: November 4th, 2007, 12:05 pm
Location: Narangba, QLD

Unread post by Captain Cupcake » May 31st, 2010, 4:18 pm

Psychic DaughterA father put his three
year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:
"God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye
grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it
just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy
and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.

This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch!!
[align=center][align=left][url]http://www.fluoridealert.org/[/url]
[url]http://www.themotleycrew.info/[/url] [url]http://www.nblc.com.au/[/url][/align]
[/align]

Captain Cupcake
Avid Poster
Posts: 643
Joined: November 4th, 2007, 12:05 pm
Location: Narangba, QLD

Unread post by Captain Cupcake » May 31st, 2010, 4:20 pm

Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane , Qld , Australia, was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.


Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.... and then there are educators
[align=center][align=left][url]http://www.fluoridealert.org/[/url]
[url]http://www.themotleycrew.info/[/url] [url]http://www.nblc.com.au/[/url][/align]
[/align]

Finchy260
Need to get out more
Posts: 2964
Joined: August 11th, 2009, 11:38 am

Unread post by Finchy260 » May 31st, 2010, 4:25 pm

bwahaha! there goods ones!
[img]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a389/oncedisturbed/21071285431am_a6cbf.png[/img]

bruggz351
Part of the furniture
Posts: 1003
Joined: September 14th, 2004, 9:24 pm

sick kiwi

Unread post by bruggz351 » June 1st, 2010, 4:13 pm

Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the upcoming Rugby World
Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.

"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, eh" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had
long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was
testicular removal.

"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion eh!"

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him

that testicular removal was the only cure.

Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment. Wiremu was devastated, but
with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi
doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv Prostate
suckness eh"

"What's the cure thin doc ?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your
balls."

"Phew, thunk God for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bustards wanted to
take my test tickets off me!"
I know i'm in my own world;It's ok, they know me here.:)
I set my standards high.Actualy, i do a lot of things high.
If everything is comming your way,you're in the wrong lane.
I recently took up meditation. Sure beats sitting around.

bruggz351
Part of the furniture
Posts: 1003
Joined: September 14th, 2004, 9:24 pm

clocks in heaven

Unread post by bruggz351 » June 1st, 2010, 4:14 pm

[font=&quot]A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him?He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'[/font]
[font=&quot]St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'[/font]
[font=&quot]'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'[/font]
[font=&quot]'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'[/font]
[font=&quot]'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'[/font]
[font=&quot]St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'[/font]
[font=&quot]'Where's Kevin Rudd's clock?' asked the man.[/font]
[font=&quot]St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'[/font]
I know i'm in my own world;It's ok, they know me here.:)
I set my standards high.Actualy, i do a lot of things high.
If everything is comming your way,you're in the wrong lane.
I recently took up meditation. Sure beats sitting around.

Captain Cupcake
Avid Poster
Posts: 643
Joined: November 4th, 2007, 12:05 pm
Location: Narangba, QLD

Unread post by Captain Cupcake » June 22nd, 2010, 4:43 pm

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.
Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!".
Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!"
And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious.
He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
[align=center][align=left][url]http://www.fluoridealert.org/[/url]
[url]http://www.themotleycrew.info/[/url] [url]http://www.nblc.com.au/[/url][/align]
[/align]

Captain Cupcake
Avid Poster
Posts: 643
Joined: November 4th, 2007, 12:05 pm
Location: Narangba, QLD

Unread post by Captain Cupcake » July 1st, 2010, 5:05 pm

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the University of Kentucky School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from "Mississippi State University" and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
[align=center][align=left][url]http://www.fluoridealert.org/[/url]
[url]http://www.themotleycrew.info/[/url] [url]http://www.nblc.com.au/[/url][/align]
[/align]

D Hall
Avid Poster
Posts: 790
Joined: September 29th, 2006, 5:41 pm

Unread post by D Hall » July 1st, 2010, 6:45 pm

Sammy snail was sick of being late all the time.So on Monday he headed of to the post office, Thursday he got there and brought a Saturday Lotto ticket.So hurried mome and just managed to get home and see his numbers come up.Sammy thought for a while as what to do with his winnings.I`ll get my self a realy fast car,a sports car.I will be never late agian. So he brought himself a sports car and took it home.Smmy wanted everey one to know it was his car so he painted a big S on the doors,the roof,the boonet and the boot.Of he went for a drive.Soon he was speeding along. Up ahead behind a bill board was a cop car with two officers in it.One cop siad to the other as Sammy`s car raced past " he did you see that s car go "
Oh and I have a few more as bad as this one.
Cheers D hall
Hu Landcruiser.What else is there to own?Range Rover ute!

Return to “Chit Chat - all the stuff that's NOT Fourby or 4WD related!”